After you come out to friends and family about your sexual orientation what happens to the individual who is part of the LGBTQ community? Is it all rainbow and unicorns or is it something different? For me it wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows. Here are some tidbits from my journey so far.
The first thing I felt was the need to celebrate my new found freedom. I was on a high! For me that meant going on a solo 5 day spontaneous trip and getting massages, dining at fancy restaurants, shopping, partying and attending my favourite live shows. It was a blast! It was a phase where I truly received the love from my family and friends who said we love you, we support you and are part of your tribe. It was so humbling to receive these messages.
Now that I’m out, I can engage in more authentic conversations which is a real treat. When people asked me in the recent past how am I doing it was hard for me to answer that question because I wasn’t able to talk about the two things that have been a priority over the last 18 months: my personal development journey and accepting myself as a bisexual. I’m not saying that in every conversation I want to talk about these two topics, but it’s liberating to simply be able to communicate how I’m really feeling (i.e. Today’s been a tough day because I’m feeling alot of sadness or I’m excited because I’m going on a trip to LA).
I though if I hid my sexual orientation which is key part of who I am, then what other parts of me have I hidden? I also wondered, who am I really? These are questions which take alot of introspection and I don’t have a solid answer for you. I can definitely tell you who I’m not, but in many ways I’m still in a transition phase. I’m like a caterpillar who is in my cacoon and I haven’t fully emerged. For now, I’m a beautiful soul who stands in her truth and power.
While I was doing my personal development work during the last 18 months, I used that time to focus on me and figuring out who I am as person. Maintaining relationships with family, friends while doing my personal development work was just too much. So I made the choice to take a step back from friends and family temporarily.
I’m now at a stage where I love myself completely. I’m slowly transitioning into attending functions where there are large number of people. Since I haven’t attended large functions with people for a while, I can’t automatically go from not hanging out with a large number of family/friends to hanging out with them right away. I need to take my time and attend these functions when it feels right for me. I also have a fear that I may get questioned at these functions and I don’t have the confidence yet to answer those inquires fully yet. I feel like I’m in a transition phase where I get invited to function and sometimes I go and other times I politely decline. If I decline, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about my family or friends, it just means I’m not ready to hang out yet. I know as I continue with my personal development work, I will gain confidence and be able to attend more functions in the future.
And yes, there are many things that kind of scare me. If you asked me if I would attend a local LGBTQ event or Pride parade, I would probably hesitate. I’m totally a virgin to the LGBTQ scene. I fully recognize that it’s a community that is welcoming and loving, but part of me is a tad intimidated. Maybe it’d be different if I had someone to go with. If you’re interested in accompanying me, give me a shout. Dating for everyone is scary and as a bisexual seems a little more scary to put yourself out there. I have lots of basic questions like where do you go to meet other bisexuals? I know I still have alot of firsts to go through, but in the mean time I continue to take steps forward on what feels right for me.
If you know someone in your tribe who recently came out about their sexual orientation, be patient and continue to love them through their post-coming out journey.